Life without Abah

It's been seventy five days since Abah was called to the eternal world. How do I feel? You guessed it. Yup, sad, pain, gloom, hurt--you name it, they are there in the soft dark spot of my heart. I never had the chance to see him before he closed his eyes for the final time. Regret? Kind of.
A day before he left me, I had a chat with him--yup, a chat--as we always did. He even joked that I wouldn't possibly know if he's dead by then because I didn't call him. No, I did call but not him, my brother, who was there and always there in time of need-asking about Abah. Yes, Abah, I bought the curtain but unfortunately you left before I could show them to you.
I don't regret not having to see Abah one last time. I know if I did I won't be able to bring myself to bid farewell to him without crying. And I don't suppose I have the heart to see a figure, a legend, a mentor, a teacher who used to appear with so much strength, so much confidence lying there helpless. But I guess till his very last moment he had not lose his confident-state-of-being.
Everybody was there that day. Who wouldn't? After all he was a father, a teacher and a friend to all throughout his fruitful life. We had shared him with everybody then and we still do now, now even when he is no longer around.
I am glad though. Of what? Yes, I am glad actually because I inherited something from him--his talent, his teaching career and of course his complexion. Don't I treasure those! I do, I really do. As I make my routine journey to school, I know deep in me that he is so proud of me for having been able to carry on his passion. And God, I really love facing the crowd ever since I could remember- he did too. I can act, which he did in his early days and I know he is proud of me for choosing English as the language that I would go deep into, he asked me to make the choice which I did and have no regrets, ever.
Abah was a funny man, everybody would agree with me. He could crack jokes at a snap. He was a man full of expressions, ideas, logic and he made me think all the time whenever I talked to him. He was a reminder. I never forgot my duties with him around then and now in my heart. He could make any subject interesting from religion to tree planting.
Such a great man he was and he still is to me. I know God will bless his soul. I know he will be in heaven. i have only fond memories of him. After all, I know he is proud of me. Thank you Abah for the lesson taught and for being a wonderful man in my life. I miss you each and every moment of my days. I love you, forever.

With much tears in my eyes
Dec 8th, 2006.
10.58 p.m.